


toy soldiers

by murdvck



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 04:37:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13990608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdvck/pseuds/murdvck
Summary: "The question throws him back to a peace sign and a nervous kid asking to take a picture, to a smile in the midst of a battle."Steve isn't anything Tony expected. He can learn to be ok with that.





	toy soldiers

Steve Rogers is everything Tony had never expected him to be.

He remembers the stories, the laudatory praises that fell from his father's sneering lips every time Tony made a mistake, every time Tony found him in his study, a half empty bottle of scotch in front of him. How Captain America was a pinnacle of perfection, a pinnacle of everything that made humanity redeemable. 

In real life, face to face on the helicarrier, there's something in Steve that reminds him terrifyingly of himself, something that twists Tony’s mind into a constant question of _why_. He learns to forget about it when they’re forced to work together and somehow it doesn't end in disaster. But in the empty aftermath of Loki’s escape and Phil’s death and every other terrible thing that had happened in the time since the propeller had went out and the world had tilted sideways, Steve Rogers still seems bitter and caustic, thirsting for a fight, for a battle.

He softens for just a moment, casually leaned against a wall, only half of his clothes part of the uniform. The boots are ridiculous and the pants are too tight, but the shirt is reasonable and isn't decorated by that ostentatious star. He asks about Coulson, about Phil, and Tony wishes the pain on his face wasn't so easy to read. Steve apologizes for things that aren’t his fault, and Tony can _almost_ see the Captain America his father had sung the praises of every day of his life.

It raises his hackles, and Tony tries to dismiss him, with careless words and a scoff, narrowed eyes and annoyance. Steve only comes closer, talking like he's trying to calm Tony down. 

Their shoulders brush, and Steve spins to watch as Tony keeps walking, hoping to leave, to hide somewhere he can let go of the ache deep in his chest. 

“Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?”

The question throws him back to a peace sign and a nervous kid asking to take a picture, to a smile in the midst of a battle.

The question throws him back to a kid too young for war wrapped in half of a hug, a women in the driver's seat and a man taking their picture, back to laughter and simplicity.

The question throws him back to fallen bodies of people he barely knew and blood splatter on windows, back to his name on a bomb, a yard in front of him, glaring white before it blew up, back to _fire_ and _pain_.

It throws him back to every time he had nearly died, to shrapnel in his chest and Yinsen leaning over him, to the feeling of helplessness as Obadiah pried the reactor from his chest, to the black lines reaching up his neck from his heart as the only thing keeping him alive poisoned him from within.

He bites back a broken _no_ as his blood boils.

“ _We are not soldiers_ ,” Tony hisses, anger and pain and guilt festering tight in his chest behind the arc reactor. 

**Author's Note:**

> please comment and let me know what you thought of this!!
> 
> (also the steve is ooc in this because i just rewatched civil war again and that always impacts how i write steve rip)
> 
> ([hmu on tumblr](%E2%80%9Dstarkdocx.tumblr.com%22))


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